Sunday, July 24, 2011

Under Construction

                                                           Romantic Comedy's
That is what I think about the relationship my fiance and I have together. I never though that when me and fiance met almost 6 years ago, that we would be together today. I never thought that I could find anyone to put with Normal (Ridiculous) Jessie...let alone Crazy, Flared Up Jessie. I feel so lucky, he takes such good care of me. When I was first diagnosed, I was ready to completely remove myself  from the relationship. All I could think was, 'Who wants to be on the other side of this crap for the rest of their lives?'  When I started feeling icky and having pain I thought it was just stress from being a new mommy. I was in denial that all these things put together could be problematic. So, I figured that I would make it easy for both of us and just call it off myself. To this his response was 'Shut Up!' I have never been so grateful to have been shut down in all my life. I really love him. With that...let me tell you about my WEDDING! It is officially going down October 1, 2011! Hell or high water, he and I are getting married on this day. I just started planning. It is going to be a very low key type thing. Pretty much picnic style. I stole the idea from a friend's wedding, it was so nice and uncomplicated. I figured at this point there would be no other way to go. Invites go in the mail August 18th.

                                                            Family Planning
never wanted kids! I was steadfast that I wanted nothing to do with that. Then I found out that I was expecting my very own. Upon feeling those first kicks in my belly and watching her grow from month to month at doctor appointments, I knew that my old opinion on having children was out the window. I knew the moment they put her in my arms and I kissed her soft little face that I was going to have more. When my fiance and I originally had the 'baby conversation', we discussed maybe having another when she was 5 or 6. Plus at that point I had no problems that could be considered a game changer. Then 4 rolled up on us really quickly and my health was going down for the count (boxing term)...we were no where near ready to have another child. She is turning 5 in August. At that point it dawned on me. How could we have any more children with my health the way it is? Will we be able to get pregnant and have it without complications? Am I going to be able to take care of them or are my future children fated to have to deal with a bedridden, cranky mommy? Eventually after a lot of tears, some hard to talk through conversations and a lot of research...we've decided that as long as the doctors tell me they have my back on this, We Will have another child. A lot of the research says that many women go into remission after they become pregnant. The people in some of my online message groups have told me a lot of the same things. There are risks, as with any pregnancy. What everyone is most worried about is how my health will react after the baby is born. I'm not going to lie...I am too. But we will just have to have a serious birth plan and hopefully hire some doctors that are ready to attack to any problems that try and ruin the plan. My friends have already made me agree to let them come with me during the initial planning doctors appointments, that way they can ask questions too. My blond bestie seems to think that I'm going to suddenly fall into a coma at any given moment. When I'm at her house or we are out together she only lets me think that I'm doing things for myself. If she could wrap my whole body in bubble wrap, she would. This baby thing is a bridge that we are building right now and I will let you know how construction is progressing.



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