Sunday, July 24, 2011

Hospitals and Family

I was hospitalized for a whole 3 days. Many of you know...hospitals don't admit people for real anymore. Especially not for a whole 3 days. What an amazing trick my body managed to play on me. I had no idea what was going to happen next! I was definitely in awe of what I was forced to observe! *Sarcasm*
Long story short, my wonderful besties and I went to the Sublime/311 concert. Started off great, 'bout 45 minutes in and I started to feel real 'ify' and I guess 'lost'. My friend and I decided to take a short walk. I figured that might shake off this weird feeling. We made it to our very close destination...less than 50 feet. Next thing I know I was on my knees, on the ground, looking up at a very scared blond. I was sooooo confused at this point and all I could taste was metal. I told her I was fine, she yelled at me, I told her to shut up and that was that. After I got my bearings back, I concluded that, I had managed to have a seizure. It wasn't until I had another one the next day that I decided to take my ass to the hospital. I figured they would tell me that I was fine (crazy), pump me full of saline and send me home with a fat bill. I was very unpleasantly surprised (scared shitless) when they chose to admit me. Did you know they refused to let me leave that Prison and continued to run every possible test known to man for the next 3 days! By the end that whole ordeal, my new neurologist told me that I am AND will continue to have seizures. They concluded that most of seizures are induced by my headaches/migraines and those come about so often because I have Lupus AND rheumatoid (FML). And they showed me the blood tests to prove it. I've found that the only down fall to nursing school is that I can read and understand lab results...I couldn't even pretend to not understand what I was seeing. High ANA, High Sed Rate, Positive RH factor.

Needless to say, my visit to the hospital was eventful and probably the hardest time I've had this far. It sucks! I had never stayed in the hospital, except for when I had my daughter and I only had to stay for 1 night! Plus my fiancĂ© was able to be there the whole time. This time, I was actually sick, and not only did he have to work, but he had to take care of our daughter. It was really scary for me. I was there most of the day not really coherent, and the doctors and nurses would come in, spit words at me, and leave. All I could do was say ok. Asking questions wasn't even probable for me to do on my own. They come in and poke you with needles and check you vitals ever 4 hours! They don't even give you a hug and a lollipop when they finish either. Poor bubby cakes. It was really rough for him. He wanted to be there the whole time he was really worried... I could see it all over his face every time he was there. Our daughter really didn't get it. She was having too much fun with her grandparents to care and that's ok.

In one of my earlier posts, I explained how my mom was very unsupportive and how much this really upset me. Well, after being released from St. Luke's Hospital (prison) she revealed to me that she thought , my illness (that is actually proven) was all in my head. And now after 4 years of heartbreak and annoyance she is sorry for not being there. I wanted to say 'To hell with you and your 4 years too late apology! I am so grateful that the guy that you refuse to get to know, you know the one that you have so much frivolous shit to say about, was there from the beginning taking care of me. Has yet to miss one damn doctors appointment! Where were you'? I'm glad that it only took being hospitalized for 3 days to get that out of you. But I took a deep breath and moved on. Hopefully our relationship will improve now that we have had a serious sit down together (When pigs fly...I'm still pissed). I think the outlook is good...
Oh!... You should like this! My fiance's mother proceeded to tell her on that if I changed my eating habits, exercised and saw a pain management specialist I would get better. Uh, seriously?!? Lady, you know nothing about the disease process, by your own admission, you have NEVER asked me about anything, not even how I'm doing! Why do you have an opinion about anything...Honestly? She says 'just saying' like that justifies her rude ass comments. But seriously...How dare you?! My fiance was super upset about these comments. Later after I had been home for a day or two, during dinner, she tried to explain to me what she had explained to her son. I didn't confront her, she brought it up on her own. She explained to me how it was 'insane' that I'm 23 and on any medication and if I saw a pain management specialist and exercised (with my very uncontrolled joint pain and fatigue) that I would be okay. Also I should research my disease and understand my options better. I just looked at her. I wanted to say something but all I could do was nod. It would've been rude of me to tell her to shut the f?!$ up. At least half to most of all my Sunday's include looking up and better 'Understanding' of my options. But the good news is I guess I have sitting around smelling myself for 4 years instead of trying to get better! I eat what I can when I can, nausea/anorexia is apart of my everyday life. If I wasn't afraid of being in excruciating pain and starting flares that just wouldn't quit that I would be running and bike riding. But for right now let me finish school(stressor #1) and attempt yoga when it isn't a struggle just or to shower or put my hair in a ponytail. I still can not express how annoyed I am with all that. Thank goodness my fiance stood up for me. I don't think I would have made it if I had to defend myself at that point.

Just another week in the adventure that is my daily life.


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