Sunday, October 16, 2011

Introducing...Mrs. Jessica Sloan


Yes! The rumors are true! October 1, 2011 my fiance and I were wed! It was a beautiful day after a lot of stress and drama. We did it and couldn't be happier. We celebrated our day one week and one day after I graduated from LPN school and we moved into our new place. A lot of you may know of my previous residence...with my MOTHER-IN-LAW. We are so happy to be in our own place again. It makes a difference and is so nice. Even though we are still in our honeymoon phase, my RA has not been on the same schedule. I know what you're thinking. "Well, Jessie that's you won fault you over did it!" And I say to that SO WHAT?!? But seriously, I knew that after my last couple days of school that I was going to flare either the day of or after graduation. I just figured we would try and get all these things done if I'm just gonna flare anyway. And boy did I. It went in waves all the up to the wedding day. By the end of that day I was just putty. (It was like 50% RA and 50% Champagne) 

I have started working as a GPN (Graduated Practical Nurse). This is a new exciting chapter in my life and I'm finding it hard to keep up. I'm working 12 hour night shifts. I like the shifts because I'm not missing quality time with the family and because I only work 7-8 shifts a pay period, instead of 5 or 6. Its great, but by the end of the night I can hardly move. I'm hoping it won't be this way forever.

I thought that I had come to term with my diagnosis and it turns out that I really haven't. After starting school again and losing my health insurance, I kept my focus only on finishing school. I stopped journaling, doing research and being active in my online rheumatoid support groups. Instead of dealing with the flares and taking care of myself, I just became angry. Looking back at my reactions now I must have looked like I was trying to run in muddy swamp water. Thinking that I was moving quickly and making progress and getting things done but really just digging myself deeper. Deeper in my disease in this case. I think I do need some face to face support to help come to terms with everything. I think I'm still very much in denial. When people ask about why I'm limping or don't feel well and I have give explanations, I smile and shrug it off. In my head I say it aloud, its there and then it rolls all the way down to my feet and I kick the thought away like a huge hairy poisonous spider. When I'm in a flare I just try to watch as much Law and Order as I can and sleep until I can't sleep anymore, just so I cant find time to think about it and sulk in my pain and ickyness. I'm going to get back into the groove of things I hope. I plan to remove myself from this cloud of denial soon... with help from my Husband! I'll keep you posted.


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